I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
