Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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