I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
