The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
