is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
