You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
