Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's rum buckets o'clock
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
