You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
