Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
