I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize