Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize