She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
