im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
