Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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