he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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