I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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