the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
