i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize