I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
