My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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