If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
