Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
