i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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