I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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