tell your sister to shave her snatch
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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