Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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