I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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