He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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