OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
