I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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