really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
high people should be assigned attendants
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
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