I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
