Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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