i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
