If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
