I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
