i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize