Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize