i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
