in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
