I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize