Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
