Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I could fuck to npr.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
