This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
