I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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