why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize