You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
