hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just found puke in my bra..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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