i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize