dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
