no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
