Sry I called you an 8
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
