cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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