so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
