my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
