That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
