in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
