its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
