think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
