do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
