So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
