The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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