My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
