She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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