i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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