oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
