I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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