I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize