I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
