It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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