he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
