You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
