I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize