I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
