You made me cry and you don't even care
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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