Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
