We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
