Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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