He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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