he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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